Online Dating Horror Story #2: Way Too Hairy

Online Dating Horror Story #2: Way Too Hairy

One of my most memorable – and bizarre – online dating stories was also one of my first attempts to meet a nice man after my divorce.

I met J for lunch one day and we had a very nice conversation. He told me that he had been a local radio personality.

Because he was a well-known local person and I was new at dating-after-divorce, when he asked me to go to dinner and a movie in a few days, I accepted and let him pick me up in his car. (Note: I would NEVER do that now!)

As we drove up the interstate to the movies, he told me more about himself.

First, he said that he got divorced because his ex-wife used to beat him up. He demonstrated by punching the dashboard a few times.

Wow. What do you say to something like that? It’s awful – and we all know it happens – but it’s not something you’d blurt out to someone you hardly knew (and, presumably, wanted to impress). The mental picture I got was appalling. And I was speechless.

He was a fairly short, slender man – and next, he proudly related that he weighed 135 pounds — and he wore a “small” sized shirt.

Yikes! That was less than I weighed at the time. It gave me a funny feeling because I’d never dated such a tiny man. And I hadn’t really noticed it til he brought it up.

As he continued to talk, it was like he suddenly felt the urgent need to pour out all the worst traits about himself.

The last big thing he revealed that his body was so hairy that he shaved his back.

What would possess a man to admit that to a near-stranger?! Did he think we were going to get naked? Or that it would be a turn-on?

After the last revelation, I have to admit I was totally and completely grossed out. All I wanted to do was get out of that car — but the date had only begun, and I was stuck.

I did my best to keep a straight face during his confessions, but it was hard.

At dinner, one of us had spaghetti and all I could think of when looking at the plate of food was long strands of hair – like the ones growing on his back. I also noticed that he had quite a few hairs sticking out at the wrist of his long-sleeved shirt, too. And I didn’t want to look up at his “little boy” sized small shirt, either.

As he talked during the meal, I noticed that the very deep, manly voice he’d been using until then (the radio announcer voice) would occasionally revert into a higher pitch (which I assumed was his “real” voice). That was pretty disconcerting, too.

At the movie theater, I tucked my hands under my armpits and kept them there during the entire movie. The idea of J touching me  – accidentally or on purpose – was just too repulsive.

The evening finally came to an end (no, there was no good night kiss!) and we never saw each other again.

However, I’ve told that dating story quite a few times (my girlfriends all love it) and thought about J occasionally over the years. He was a nice enough man – and his “issues” probably would’ve been tolerable if he’d just relaxed and been himself, and gotten to know me very well before revealing them. He mentioned at some point on our date that he’d had one date with a lot of women , and, looking back, I can only guess that he revealed way too much to all of them, too…

***

Other dating posts:

Online Dating Horror Story #1: Don’t Be Cruel

Online Dating Horror Story #3: Thunder and Lightning

Online Dating Horror Story #4: A Deli Emergency

Online Dating Horror Story #5: First Date with a Doctor and his Son at a Swimming Pool

Online Dating Horror Story #6: A Walk on the Beach Goes Terribly Wrong

Online Dating Horror Story #7: You Live WHERE?

Online Dating: Dealbreakers

Internet Dating Scams

Online Paper Bag Speed Dating: Would You Do It?

Dilemma: Old Flames in Family Photos

NOT a Happy Camper

GOOD Dating Stories:

Dating a Much Younger Man

Memories of Good Times with Tom (We Met, We Laughed, We Acted Like Third-Graders)

 

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27 Responses to Online Dating Horror Story #2: Way Too Hairy

  1. Oh gosh yes, some people just feel compelled to spill the beans far too early! Whilst I applaud the desire to be honest, you are right, there is a time and a place and a first / second date probably isn’t it (unless it’s a potential show stopper of course in which case confession is better early on).

    You made me laugh about the hair! I have never dated a man with much body hair at all and my husband (who I met online) has a lot, but what I didn’t realise until we lived together is that he shaves and waxes a great deal. I just appreciate the fact that he takes care of himself and wants to look good. And I love his hairy chest now and I never thought I would say that!

    Amy

  2. Just a bit much on a date …. lol …. just a bit ….

    I also would have been way more concerned with the anger issues and possible trauma from his abusive relationship …..

  3. OMG what a nightmare! lol

    Stories like this make me so glad that I am happily married! lol

  4. Wow, at least you can write about it afterwards and we can all get a good chuckle. Happy dating!

  5. Poor guy. I wonder what happened in previous relationships to have him throw out ‘man-scaping’ as a topic of conversation.

  6. Maureen says:

    Oh my! I am so glad I am happily married 🙂 I am afraid I would have laughed out loud!

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  8. Melanie L. says:

    What a horror show! I have had several oversharers just like that one. Although, my biggest post-divorce complaint I had was listening to each guy complain about his ex. Ugh. Meanwhile, how funny is it that we have both posted post-divorce dating stories on the moonshine grid this week?!

  9. I am loving the stories on the Moonshine grid this week. Each one is so lively! Yours just made me laugh out loud although it was at your expense, sorry about that 😀 Poor guy just loved to share, eh?

    Shailaja’s latest post

  10. Yikes, what could you possibly say to all of that? Thanks for sharing an entertaining read. 🙂

  11. Awww, although the date sounds like it was awful, your story is also very endearing, which I love. Sounds like he was super nervous! I think this kind of date is a good thing post split as it lets you have a bit of a laugh at the sallow gene pool after a crappy time. Thanks for the giggle 😉

  12. Natalie DeYoung says:

    No. No. No. Ack. I’d have trouble getting that image out of my head. Poor guy!

  13. Thank you all for your comments! It makes me feel better. Actually, all my friends thought this story was the all-time best dating story I’d ever had. And I’ve had some doozies…

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  15. Ah! I would have jumped out the window! But then again, the again, shouldn’t we be more impressed by his honesty, his way of revealing it all in a take it or leave it manner? If all men were this open in the beginning, this sincere, we would be saved a lot of heartache. At least I would have.

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  25. Name a generally safe activity, i.e. “a cup of coffee at Starbucks” or something. It makes resulting discussions easier. Always pick somewhere safe, never like “come over to my house and spoon while we watch American Psycho“, it creeps people out.
    schultzybeckett recently posted…Why do many men prefer larger women?My Profile

  26. Finding somebody is one thing. finding somebody you are willing to partner with for life is probably easier using the internet as using any other method, some of which seem to me, a lot wackier
    schultzybeckett recently posted…Why do many men prefer larger women?My Profile

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